waiting for my electric blanket to heat up

Hello Maeve of the future, how are you? It's your 18 year old self. Leaving this here because you're full of your own self importance and constantly want people to tell you you're great.

So, it's Thursday night, the 17th of December. Like just after half ten. This day next week will be Christmas Eve, and so that means that tomorrow next week will be Christmas Day! Ross' first, how exciting!
Semester 1 of year 1 of UCD has just been completed. Exams finished on Monday which was hella liberating and Monday night was also hella liberating too. But the content is unsuitable for the internet so I guess you'll just have to remember it some other way. I'm sure Caítlín will always be happy to indulge you in the information anyway. I'm glad you've got my back, Caítlín, always there when I need you :-) :-)

So you came home for Christmas last night. After spending a lot of the day packing, and in Burger King with Eoin (because you are both ultimately the Burger King and Queen), and also crying lots of different kinds of tears because you couldn't fit your clothes in the little boxes, you watched that really sad movie and you found the reports that your leaving cert English teacher wrote about you. You brought them with you because you were scared that maybe you weren't cut out to study English, but you didn't need them. You were just fine.
2015 was hard, not like just for you obviously, but for the people around you too. You lost your best friend to irreconcilable differences, you lost your support network, also sometimes known as Siobhan Cassidy to the big wide world and everything it has to offer and, at times, you lost little bits of yourself to sadness.
It's okay though! You. Maeve, are going into 2016 happy, healthy and excited.

There are lots of things that you are excited for and maybe I'll make a list because that seems to be a trend with me, lists make me feel organised, and I feel like maybe they are easier to read. Whatever.

1. You are excited to discover a better version of yourself in 2016. I don't know how you're going to do it like tbh, but you are. Only obviously, to start all over again in 2017 but you need to remember that it's not about the destination, it's all about the journey.

2. You are excited to make new friends. There are still so many people to discover. You need to go into every friendship with an open mind, but not always with your heart on your platonic sleeve, because you know, not everyone is willing to fall so hard, or even at all.

3. You are excited to earn that super body that you've been working so hard for. Yeah maybe you're a little chubby now, but this time next year boys will physically cry as you walk past. You need to remember this when you think you'd prefer to spend the night sitting on the sofa playing solitaire. You're only fooling yourself.

4. You're excited to discover new things about your Mum. With your amazing detective skills you've located a special link and I know that even though you're scared right now, you'll be so happy that you took the leap and make contact.

5. You are also very excited to push yourself to try new things. Join new clubs, visit new places and explore new Sims4 expansion packs.

6. Even though you shouldn't be, you're excited for the prospect of something new. It probably won't happen but if it does I think it'll be something beautiful and wonderful. Something worth writing about. But take your time, not everything is as magical as how you imagine it in your little head.

7. You are excited to blog again. You missed it. You now have all this time to do nothing so you may as well blog. You don't have to publish your posts, but save them, like little things that were important while you were young.

8. You are very excited at the prospect of publishing. Even though it might not happen this time around, you have to try. You have to try because if you don't, nobody else will. I promise that people will read it, they do already.

9. You are excited to carry every day routines from 2015 too. Whether it's gyming with Caítlín or being Eoin's 'Burger Queen', taking fast forwarded snapchat videos with Iseabail or seeing the smiling little faces of Sarah and Ross-lad as you come home on a Friday night. These things won't change, fingers crossed.

10. Most of all Maeve, you are excited about being alive, being a person that matters and having a happy and healthy 2016. You've worked v hard to get where you are and you've made v good relationships with v important people in your life. It will only get better. I promise.

And listen, if you get scared at any stage it's okay. It's okay to be scared. But it's not okay to give up. Your Dad and your Siobhan believe in you, Maeve.
And I believe in you too x